Forum
Forum » Sports Forum » Sports related jokes - whole world not just europe
| Rating: |
 5.00 (based on 2 votes) |
|---|
|
|
Posts per page: |
|---|
Posts: 1462 |
  The company think they are a suitable team because of their regular points failures Apparently, when Greame Souness was newcastle manager he offered to send the squad on an all expenses paid holiday to Florida but they declined. They'd rather go to Blackpool so they could see what it's like to ride on an open-top bus New Wigan manager Steve Bruce walked into a Nationwide Building Society one day whilst a robbery was in progress, One of the robbers hit him over the head and knocked Brucey out, Whilst coming around, Bruce said "Christ, where the hell am I" One of the staff told him he was in the Nationwide Bruce replied - "It's not May already is it" Apparantly, Newcastle United are under investigation by the Inland Revenue for tax evasion, They've been claiming for Silver Polish for the past 30 years. A scouser meets a girl on the night out and takes her home, Alittle later on in the night once things are getting heated the woman offers the scouser a blow job, the scouser looks worried and replies, whoa whoa whoa a b'job??? will it affect my dole money A bloke goes into Stanstead Airport and manages to eventually get into the departure lounge where his flight home is being called. All around him there are overturned tables, smashed windows, computer terminals broken, upturned chairs and crowd control barriers lying on the floor. "Christ, what's happened here?" he asks one of the ground crew. "Oh yeah...", he replies "Absolutely hopeless .... we had the Chelsea players in here this morning filming the new Nike ad" |
| Sports Forum Mod |
Report
Quote
Profile
Send PM
Posts: 4210 |
|
| It's not enough......it's too much!!!! |
Posts: 8 |
Congrats you killed the thread by being a cock! some of them made me laugh tbh |
|
Posts: 1462 |
Juande Ramos is walking in the street and sees a little old lady struggling to carry her shopping bags. "Excuse me, can you manage?" he asks. The old woman goes: "You took the job, you're stuck with it". What do you call 1,000 Liverpool fans at the bottom of the ocean? A good start. What's the difference between Graham Poll and Stevie Wonder? Stevie Wonder actually was blind. Juande Ramos and Arsene Wenger were having a conversation and Wenger asks the new Spurs boss what he would like to achieve in the next five years. "Well, I think a few top four finishes and maybe even make the knockout rounds of the Champions League. What about you?" "Well, I'd like to win the Champions League, the Premiership and the FA Cup five years running" says Wenger. "That's a tad OTT don't you think?" says Ramos. "Well, you started it". |
| Sports Forum Mod |
|
Posts: 1462 |
1 English football clubs continue to be a must-have fashion accessory for rich Americans as Paris Hilton takes control of Portsmouth. Harry Redknapp denies it will affect anything, telling Sky’s Geoff Shreeves to, ‘Talk the to the hand cos the face ain’t listenin’ girlfriend.’ 2 For the test series against New Zealand, the England cricket team solve their wicket-keeping crisis by playing Scott Carson behind the stumps. On his debut, Scott takes some great catches but sadly his kicking lets him down. 3 West Ham’s injury jinx continues as Dean Ashton gets a nasty paper cup from the match programme, sidelining him for six weeks 4 English clubs go on red alert when US based Becks announces “I’m ready to up sticks”. Though it turns out he’s just talking about a planned night in with wife Victoria. 5 The mystery of why Arsenal matches never clash with a Grand Prix is finally solved when its’s revealed that Theo Walcott and Lewis Hamilton are indeed one and the same person. 6 At last an Englishman is discovered who regularly sticks the ball in the net at big tournaments. Unfortunately he turns out to be our Number 1 tennis player at Wimbledon. 7 Andre Shevchenko joins Derby on loan. Chelsea insist on a clause in Sheva’s contract that states that he must play against them in the clubs’ forthcoming clash. 8 More Easter misery for West Ham. Kieran Dyer cuts his gum on a sharp bit of Toblerone and could be out until next Christmas. 9 Sir Alex Ferguson unveils a new goal celebration – ditching the ‘pissed uncle skipping towards the dance floor at a wedding’ routine in favour of a dramatic ‘Mourinho knee-slide’ 10 Reading win two in a row and medics are called to the Madjeski Stadium after Steve Coppell cracks his face in two attempting a smile. 11 Following Fulham’s relegation, Mohammed Al Fayed consoles himself by buying a new outfit – Leyton Orient. 12 Jens Lehmann shaves his head bald – thus ensuring less friction when he finally disappears up his own arse. 13 Sir Alex Ferguson launches his own skincare range called Laboratoire GrandMarnier. 14 WBO title holder Joe Calzaghe announces plans to fight for the WBA – making West Brom officially the hardest team in the Championship. 15 Just when you thought he couldn’t get any more unpopular, Steve McClaren becomes manager of Germany. And wins Euro 2008. 16 Cappello gets sacked and a new England manager is unveiled. With his swarthy good looks and indepth knowledge of the English game, it’s the people’s choice known as the special one - Jeff Stelling! 17 Wigan’s Titus Bramble starts taking to the field holding a big white circle around himself, saving Andy Gray and Alan Hansen the bother. 18 Arsene Wenger approaches every club in a desperate attempt to improve his squad. Unfortunately, he still can’t find anyone to take Phillipe Senderos off his hands. 19 In an attempt to spice up the FA Cup draw, the balls are replaced by numbered bikini clad babes who are plucked out of a foam filled pool at random. The idea is based on Saturday nights at Cristiano Ronaldo’s house. 20 Bolton finally string three passes together. No hang on, that’s just a bit too far-fetched. |
| Sports Forum Mod |
|
Posts: 1462 |
If the johnny doesn't work, you're screwed. |
| Sports Forum Mod |
Posts: 1467 |
|
|
www.saveourscarlets.org - Keeping our region going www.bobssoccerworld.com - Best of British Sports bar, Orlando, Florida best pint in town. Lost: Big Daddy Diesel. NO Reward Liverpool - Shithole |
|
Posts: 1467 |
|
|
www.saveourscarlets.org - Keeping our region going www.bobssoccerworld.com - Best of British Sports bar, Orlando, Florida best pint in town. Lost: Big Daddy Diesel. NO Reward Liverpool - Shithole |
|
Posts: 1467 |
(1) The blonde thought - "That horrible Wallaby wanted to touch me and by mistake he must have put his hand on the lady, who in turn must have slapped his face." (2) The older lady thought - "This dirty Wallaby laid his hands on the blonde and she smacked him." (3) The Wallaby thought - "That bloody All Black put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me." (4) The All Black thought - "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack that stupid Wallaby again." |
|
www.saveourscarlets.org - Keeping our region going www.bobssoccerworld.com - Best of British Sports bar, Orlando, Florida best pint in town. Lost: Big Daddy Diesel. NO Reward Liverpool - Shithole |
|
Posts: 1467 |
In a tragic accident both coaches - Mike Ruddock and Sir Clive Woodward - were killed. They were taken straight to heaven where they were warmly greeted by the Almighty. After a while, Clive was taken to his new accommodation. He was pleased to find a lovely English country-style cottage with statues outside in the form of English rugby greats. As a constant background he could hear the sweet voices of angels singing "Jerusalem" and "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot." Clive was delighted until he suddenly heard some even more beautiful singing coming from the top of the hill. He listened closer and could hear "Bread of Heaven" followed by "Land of My Fathers." Clive looked up the hill to see a great palace with statues outside of Barry John, Gareth Edwards and JPR Williams. A party was taking place in the garden with Brains SA flowing freely as the crowd watched Scott Gibbs scoring his try at Wembley against England in 1999. Clive went to the Lord and said: "Look, I don't want to appear ungrateful - my cottage is great, but why does Mike get the huge mansion?" God broke into a laugh as he replied: "Clive, you've got it all wrong! That's not Mike's place - it's mine!" |
|
www.saveourscarlets.org - Keeping our region going www.bobssoccerworld.com - Best of British Sports bar, Orlando, Florida best pint in town. Lost: Big Daddy Diesel. NO Reward Liverpool - Shithole |
Posting Rules
You may download: 0 MB (Login to download)
Attachments: Enabled
You may upload: 2 MB (MegaBytes)